Mindfulness: The Secret to Unlocking Success
"You are not your mind." - Eckhart Tolle
This simple yet profound statement from Tolle's The Power of Now has been a life-changing revelation for me. It was challenging to wrap my head around this concept. It teaches us that our minds are merely tools and that we are not defined by our thoughts. Contrary to popular belief, we can control our thoughts and use our minds to our advantage, rather than being controlled by them.
Mindfulness: New Age mumbo-jumbo or an essential life skill?
When we hear the term “mindfulness” many of us picture a Buddist Monk in robes who exudes peace with a gentle smile on his face or a poised yoga instructor sitting in lotus pose absolutely still meditating. For some, it evokes skepticism, while others feel drawn to the pursuit of inner peace. Regardless of your current views, I invite you to keep an open mind as I share my perspective on mindfulness and why it is crucial in your personal and professional life.
Focus is Key
Have you ever noticed that once you decide to buy a certain car, you suddenly see it everywhere, even when you never noticed its popularity before? This phenomenon occurs because our minds seek out what we focus on. By consciously directing our focus, we can shape our reality. This is true in our relationships and in our careers as well.
Understanding Mindfulness
When we focus on a past event that we did not like the outcome of, it creates sadness and depression. When we focus on the uncertainty of a future state we want, we become anxious. (Note: I’m not referencing clinical depression or anxiety. For those, please consult and develop a plan of action with your medical care team.) The reason for this is because we cannot change the past and we cannot control the future. Therefore the answer lies in the now. If you think about it, the only time we ever have is at this very moment. Once the moment passes, it no longer exists. Similarly, the moment that comes next doesn’t exist yet. Creating the awareness that the present moment is the only time we have and the only chance we have to change the circumstances is mindfulness.
Mindfulness and Your Career
Employers don’t typically hire us to be in a moment-by-moment state of presence in our careers. They have hired us to develop plans, perform a series of tasks, anticipate and mitigate risks and issues, and drive often vague objectives forward creating clarity along the way. The planning, anticipation, and driving nature of what we do in our careers can cause stress and create friction with others. Our minds are powerful tools capable of synthesizing information that we may not even be conscious of and are designed to protect us. Under pressure, this can lead to an anxiety about a future state that we want to avoid leading us to make short-sided decisions. Without intervention, this way of thinking gains momentum and we believe we are in a reality that others may not share with us. Here is where mindfulness comes in. Coming back to now can help you see the forest for the trees when making decisions.
Creating Meaning
People are great meaning-makers! Let’s say you are under pressure at work to deliver a project. You have to work with others and one of those people you have to work with has a prickly way of communicating. Since your interactions with this person are your only frame of reference you may assume that they don’t like you, don’t support the project you are working on, or are just a miserable jerk you need to get past. However, by employing mindfulness to remain present, you can set aside past experiences and cultivate a more balanced working relationship and overcome any friction and any objections to the work that lies ahead.
Tips for Cultivating Mindfulness
Assume positive intent: I cannot tell you how much I HATED this saying when I was first learning it. Assume positive intent! What a load of crap! You mean you want me to assume that this asshole isn’t really an asshole?? Come on! He’s always been an asshole to me. The problem was I had always assumed that the asshole had something against me. I made it personal. The truth is I really had no idea how this person felt about me. I had never asked. If I could assume the worst, certainly I could assume the best, even if it was for a moment, to see the situation in a different light. What practicing assuming positive intent taught me, is this: we are all doing the best we can and most of us aren’t trying to be harmful. Assume the most generous interpretation of what’s transpiring and take it from there. The most generous interpretation may not always be the right one but it will make moving forward a lot easier.
Ask for clarification: Each of us comes to the table with a rich history of experiences and as a result no two people will ever see a situation or a problem the same way. Even when we use language that seems to be common or shared among us, words don’t always mean the same thing to everyone. It’s best to just ask. Story time: I had two engineers on my team that I had asked to develop a solution for a problem we had as a team. I picked the two of them because they both had perspectives that would complement each other in the solution but were diverse enough to ensure that the solution was balanced. For weeks they sniped at each other, and then complained to me that the other was wrong and wasn’t listening. What they couldn’t have known is that they had both arrived at the same conclusion and solution but were using different language to describe it – because they weren’t asking each other questions. When I forced them into a room, asked each to present their side and asked one question to each of them, “can you explain to me what you mean by x”, they quickly realized they had wasted so much time assuming the other person was trying to make themselves look good and the other look bad but they had been aligned all along.
Create a mindfulness practice for yourself: For me, it’s doing yoga and being in nature for walks with my dogs. For others, it can be meditation. I know people who have rituals around the way they do something very routine, like making a cup of tea or coffee in the morning. It’s not necessarily yoga, nature, the cup of tea or coffee or even the meditation that makes it a mindful practice. It is the presence you put into what you are doing. Mindfulness practices help you reset your mind so you can remember that it is a tool to serve you and not something that should be running out of control.
If you have been following my blogs and content, emerging: building essential skills to navigate your career successfully. Stay tuned for what comes next!